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Lit Wit Humorous Poetry Contest Winners

2014 Winners

1st Place:

"Still I Speed" by Ellisha Mckiver

2nd Place:

"Ars Poetica a me Xuxa" by Suzanne Austin-Hill

3rd Place:

"Two Farts" by Joshua Jackson


The Winning Poems

Still I Speed

~ by Ellisha Mckiver ~

I will not drive like Ms. Daisy
even with your caution signs,
you can change the speed limit
however many times you like
But still, like a racer I speed.

Does the dust, flown from my wheels anger you?
Why do you want the cops to catch me?
Because I travel like I’m in a race to the bathroom?

Checked my oil, filled the gas
now I'm ready to ride,
cleaned my car and the chrome.
Don’t you see me shine?
Still I speed

Do you want to see me off the road?
A flat tire and no spare?
Empty gas can and no jack
on the side of the road with my thumb in the air.

Why does the screeching from me taking off upset you?
Because you want to be in front of my bug do you?
I'm racing like Jeff Gordon.
You're in last place aren't you?

You can add more cameras to the lights
You can give me speeding tickets
You can put more stop signs
But still like NASCAR I'll speed.

Why am I on your tail so closely?
Do you want me to pass in front of you?
Because I drive with no reservation or destination
but yet I stay ahead of you?

I'm doing 100 mph in a 55 mph zone I speed
I'm in a league of my own I speed.
Like a team of speed racers I’m the headline
scratches on my whip I’m coming in first place
bumps in the roads rather raining or cold
I speed.

In my 60's beetle I speed
I get pulled over I speed
My car ain’t in good shape,
matter of fact it needs new paint
you hear me before you see me coming,
muffler and transmission acting funny 

I speed,
I speed,
I speed

Ars Poetica a me Xuxa

[arhz poh-et-i-kuh ah me shoo-shah]

~ by Suzanne Austin-Hill ~

A poem should be esoteric and infused,
  with multisyllabic monikers that
  leave readers confused.

????

A poem should be denominated in such a
  way that readers are flummoxed and
  don't know what to say.

O.o   :-\   O.o   :-\

A poem should contest readers with
  perspicacity, to espy from its lines
  veracity from mendacity.

TFTF

A poem should be surfeit with locution;
  oxymorons, similes and metaphors in
  consecution.

:==>

A poem should with labyrinthine verse
  engender readers to anathematize and
  worse.

@!#%

A poem should be indubitably cathectic
  simply by using poesy acatalectic.

:-)   :-(   :-O   ;-)

A poem should accommodate with
  parodical intent verbiage befitting
  the Lit Wit Contest, a sacrosanct
  event.

:-D   O:)   :-D   O:)

A poem should know when it's time to quit
  and its writer say "I'm a poet
  and didn't even know it!"

!!!!

Two Farts

~ by Joshua Jackson ~

Breaking bad... I flee
No-one can see me
I'm the valley tip-toer

Quick and quiet
Mad at the world
And headed straight for the nostril

The clinched gates
Can't keep me in
Sssssss... is the sound of my escape

Wretched
But not alone
Something loud followed

A graffiti artist
Captain of the swamp
Father of the dirty day

Hope that is lost
Darkness that is felt
And headed straight for the nostril

Inhale imminent
I was there first
I crept in

But one whiff of me...
Poet said "Nevermore... Darkness there"
And nothing more

He stopped breathing in
My friend couldn't join me
So now, once again... I'm alone