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Lit Wit Humorous Poetry Contest Winners

2013 Winners

1st Place:

"These" by Suzanne Austin-Hill
(Parody of Trees by Joyce Kilmer)

2nd Place:

"The Florida Scotts" by Tamara Green

3rd Place:

"Stopping by the Woods on a Summer's Evening" by Kathryn Frazier

The Winning Poems

These (Parody of Trees by Joyce Kilmer)

By Suzanne Austin-Hill

I think our State will always be
So much much more than Walt's Mickey.

Juan's boot prints lay claim in the sand;
Lah Floor-ree-dah he names this land.

St. John, how does thy river flow?
Due north, not south like others go.

Hurston, Rawlings famed writers both;
Their works to read I take an oath.

A. Jackson, soldier Gov time sez,
Old Hick'ry, then our seventh prez.

Lastly, sun burns are just dream.
Benjamin Green, first suntan cream!

The Florida Scotts

By Tamara Green

Well the Scott's were the riches Black family we knew;
Yet they still had limits on what they could do.
They lived in the country and they owned their own land;
They even had a road named after their clan.
They owned a huge lake near a new paved road
That the county called Hillsborough.
Now, Melvin and Sissy Scott had four fine sons,
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
They had a daughter too named Sarah Ann.
A right smart girl but as homely as sand.
Her brothers were the most handsome in the city and the county too.
And with brothers like that what was a sister to do?
Sarah Ann had nothing going her way;
She dreaded to get up to start a new day.
Her hair was unattractive; it was just like straw.
Her voice was high pitched like a grating buzz saw.
Her eyes were tiny black-eyed peas.
Her legs were straight but with dimples at the knees.
Her skin was as dry as a dead man's hand,
And her facial hairs disappointed any red-blooded man.
Her nose was too long; her cheeks were too fat.
She had no behind; she was totally flat.
Sarah Ann was considered to be the shame of the Scotts.
They wondered was she Melvin's believe it or not.
Sarah Ann was just plain homely,
And besides all that
She hated herself so alone she sat.
One day Sarah decided to end it all.
She would row, row, row her boat
To the center of the lake and accidentally fall.
Well, she jumped into the lake and to her surprise;
She was rescued by a gator with big blue eyes.
There was no thank you from Sarah;
She was mad as they get.
She was done with life and the rest of the mess.
But the gator was steadfast;
He wanted her to live.
He would solve all her problems if she had something to give.
All he wanted was her handsome brothers.
And he would give her beauty beyond all others.
Four wishes he promised in a twinkling' of an eye;
If Sarah would bring him a human meat pie.
Now Sarah wasn't cruel, just unhappy with life.
If she had beautiful hair, she could be someone's wife.
So she talked big John into swimming' into the lake.
Little did he know he would be gator bait.
He kicked, he pushed, he put up a fight.
But it wasn't enough for a giant sized bite.
Sarah went back home to tell the news
That all was left was Big John's shoes.
They holler'd, they screamed.
Papa cussed; Mama cried.
Yet they still had to accept that Big John had died.
But all were amazed at Sarah's beautifully flowing hair
That made her look almost, I said almost fair.
The next morning Sarah talked Matthew into crabbin' in the lake.
Little did he know he would be breakfast cake.
Sarah went back home with tears heart felt,
But all that was left was his leather belt.
They holler'd, they screamed;
Papa cussed; Mama cried.
But they still had to accept that Matthew had died.
All were amazed that on the day
Sarah's cheeks and eyes changed in a most beautiful way.
Just two days later Mark and Luke were at the lake.
To respite their grief with a huge clam bake.
Well they dove into the water and they never came up.
A big blue-eyed gator had take a big gulp.
Sarah went back home to tell her kin
That a big blue-eyed gator had eaten all of their young men.
They holler'd, they screamed.
Papa cussed; Mama cried.
But they still had to accept that Mark and Luke had died.
But all were amazed at Sarah's flawless body,
A brand new Sarah, not homely, not shoddy.
She would soon marry, and there was no doubt;
Her flat back and bottom had even filled out.
But the truth of the matter is that
Sarah never did marry.
Just mentioning her name
Is a little bit scary.
See, the old men were afraid,
And the young ones passed by.
With Sarah being so fine,
She might cause them to die.

Stopping by the Woods on a Summer's Evening

By Kathryn Frazier

Whose woods these are I think I know.
He lives in The Village, So
He will not see me stopping near
To watch the browsing white-tailed deer.
But as I watch, I notice, too
Palmetto bugs in perfect view
Between the marsh and cypress knees
This humid night in June.

I give my walking stick a shake
To shoo a harmless hog-nosed snake,
As frogs and crickets serenade
A lazy Okeechobee lake.
The only other sound I hear
Mosquitoes buzzing in my ear.
Florida's lovely, all can see
But creepy crawlies bother me
At Disney World I'd rather be.
At Disney World I'd rather be.